Khirad ko ghulami se azaad kar
Jawanon ko peeron ka ustad kar

Jigar se wohi teer phir paar kar
Tamanna ko seen main bedaar kar

- from Iqbal's Saqi nama

I'm looking for something new to do. A hobby. Competitive.

I don't like competing against other people. I like being great at something, but I don't like the pursuit of being better than others. I very much like the pursuit of being better than myself.

But I want to develop that competitive streak. Sometimes in unhealthy life situations that you can't escape, you need to be able to get a little nasty and  compete.

I'm unfortunately preparing myself to deal with people politics. There are mindsets I do not posses.

Neither happiness nor love happen without real investment into happiness inducing and love producing actions.

Day 3 of staycation: Consciously spent trying not to worry about work stuff, and worrying unnecessarily

Day 4: Finally made a list of everything that needs to be done before going back to work, so that I can properly relax. List has 15 items.

Day 2 of staycation: Spent in Career enhancement activities

Must gym before the end of the day.

Day 1 of staycation. I am bored.

Lets see how the week goes.

It's the division that these attacks are causing that is getting to me.

The constant stream of opinions about who is right and how the world should carry itself, including Canada, makes me feel like I am up right up against sandpaper.

I am also feeling physically sick since I finally got out of bed this morning. It's a little embarrassing that I could be affected this much.

Kept waking up all night to the thoughts of tragedies in the world, coupled with sociopolitical disagreements they have brought up.

After the last alarm, I set another one for half hour later, hoping to get uninterrupted sleep. Got an hour of it (I don't know if I snoozed the alarm or what). Still feeling quite blah. Don't want to interact with the world today. Luckily, off from work today.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy certification. There's homework. Similar work that clients have to do at home.

The homework is soooo boring. How do I talk about situations that gave me strong feelings AND be willing to share it with the class. The stuff I wouldn't mind them knowing is pretty meh on intensity. Thus boredom.

CBT is pretty cool though.

It takes a lot of energy to head to the gym almost every time. But the thought of pushing myself past my comfort level on that stair climber makes me feel sexy.

I am so unbelievably excited for school to start!! I am starting off with readings from the couples and marital counselling course (which I wont be taking for a while).

Nature is what you need to lift mood. After days of walking about in Vancouver, I headed to Victoria. The ferry ride, the sunset on the pacific and chilled air took away all of the annoyance brought on by hours and hours of walking.

Victoria made me acutely aware of just how non-existent natural beauty is in Toronto. I want the Pacific Ocean!

You need love in your life. Not just the familial kind of love where you know you are loved, but the kind oozing with sweetness. The one with tiny reminders in sentences occurred, in actions, in hugs and kisses. That gentleness makes life so much easier.

One person oozing with sweetness can heal wounds.

I wish we would recognize knowing that we are loved is a biological need. I wish we (I) would allow that to sink in until it hits that bare piece of our heart, and remind us that we need love. I wish we would allow ourselves to crave it sometimes, so that we can authentically go out in the world to seek it and give it.

I think I am burning out, again. Compassion fatigue. There's no other explanation for the way I am feeling. I have little desire to emotionally connect with people in my life. I can do normal conversation, but when it's time to really share and connect, I want to leave.

If I make myself sit through it (and unfortunately, go through the motions), I don't want to see/talk to them again for a while.

Thankfully, it's not that bad for family and close friends.

I have vacation coming up soon. 

I have been waking up feeling empty inside. I don't know why. 

Where's happiness? 

Hey Life,

What am I here for again? What, other than what my weekdays are comprised of? Because they are mainly comprised of what I want to be here for.

What about the rest of my life?

I want more. I want passion and connection.

Just signed my car stuff last night.

Blues this morning for the financial obligation.

"New spots now available" - read the banner at an old cemetary

I astonish people sometimes with the questions I ask. When they ask me back, I don't always want to talk about it. I am not sure why.

I am bored of my opinions. I think I'm just looking to steal interesting opinions at this point :P.

Or maybe I'm looking for a stimulating conversation and my own opinions really aren't fun to me anymore.

I spent the morning at the hospital with my mom, while she got a precautionary procedure done.

Throughout my time at the hospital, I had low-level stress. I still don't understand why. It wasn't my  mom, because this was just a routine test to make sure everything was alright.

Honestly, nurses do not get as much acknowledgment as they should. They run the damn place.

I was repeatedly struck by my inability to be in the vicinity of physical pain. I had to look away when my mom was being given IV.

I would like to grow past this one day. I would like to be able to jump to action instead of hiding from another person's physical pain.

I would never want to do the job of a nurse or a doctor though. Their jobs for the most part are gross. Healing, life-saving and gross.

Damnn! Some people have unbelievable guts. This Pakistani girl my age is now married to one of my favourite profs fro. Uoft, who has to be in his 40s. He has 3 beautiful kids and was married to another faculty member at Uoft.

She wore Pakistani bridal wear, so I'm hoping her family was there with her.

They are both amazing people. But I can't get over the fact that she's not very different from me.

This monotony is getting to me. When you wake up unexcited and almost sad, you know something needs to change.

It seems as if my life's only purpose is to become more me.

More I become me, more the world accepts me for me. More I become me, freer I feel. 

Monochromatic paintings are hard.

Probably because you have to have all the tones you'd need mixed up and ready, while also worrying about drying them up. I'm constantly mixing paint and blending it all in.

There has to be an easier way!

I also probably didn't plan it right. I started with a darker background to give it more texture. I probably should have started with light and added more colour.

Have you been treated in such a way that you can totally, completely, utterly let go? 

Perfectionism is getting in the way of painting now.

I've really liked my paintings so far and now the pressure is on to produce something equally amazing or better.

More I live life, more I want to live life.

Got an hour to kill. Chapters keeps pulling me. But I have no energy at the end of the day to actually read the books I've bought.

Here I am again, at Chapters.

I call these 4 inch beauties sexxxyyy!

Sadness when you realize you have no pictures of just how sexyyyy your sophisticated dress became with a pair of hawwttt sandals

I am not sure how I am feeling today. I want to experience intense beauty with all my heart. I want to open it up. I want to be at a place where there are no limits on my ability to experience. I don't want to be afraid, I don't want to harbor any sort of pain.

I don't want to use my mind, or think right now. I just want to experience.

I almost don't feel so broken anymore.

I really needed this. I don't feel fully healed, theres more I need to talk to him about. I am also breaking away from him, not crutching on the broken pieces of that relationship.

I told him just how much the poly idea hurt. He apologized for what used to be some of our constant issues, that he realized that is how relationships work.

I told him those few months before ending it were utter crap. I need to express my feelings to him, for him to understand and then apologize.

I care about him still. How can you stop? But not romantically.

He had tried a hallucinogen a few days ago, some drug that is known to be therapeutic. He decided then that he wanted to reach out to me, and his family. He has been way more into Jungian psychology and told me that today is Jung's birthday. I don't know enough about Jungian psychology to understand why that matters, but I know Jungian stuff is weird like that.

He took stock of how he always represses his issues. I was reminded of our arguments where I'd tell him to deal with them.

I just feel validated on so many levels.

I am going to go indulge in something beautiful now.

I am on my way home.

He had been working on an email to send to me when I contacted him.

I have mixed feelings right now. It was really pleasant. We were right back to where we had left off for the connection. Our ability to talk was exactly the same. We joked around.

He mentioned many things that he realized about relationships after ours ended - most of the problems we had. Both of us tried to stay away from details that would hurt the other person. He apologized for a lot of it.

No wonder he was emotionally done in about an hour.

We will meet up again. Both of us want to be friends. I'm concerned that by the third meeting, the ugly will rear its head unless we are both very careful.

I told him an ex story, to which he said something along the lines of, wouldn't it be amazing if all ex's had the decency to disappear from the world. I teased him back.

I feel at peace.

I'll be there by 6:30. Not where I had wanted to meet.

I'm not feeling as scared.

My fear was telling me this meeting would be worthwhile. Fear has disappeared. I hope it ends up being worthwhile.

Shit. I forgot tissue. I will SO need tissue.

He agreed. I can't stop crying. I am scared. Theres no way he would harm me physically but I'm scared.

He said he has been thinking of contacting me too, which makes me more scared.

I don't know what will happen

I burst out laughing when I realized my unwavering determination for what I'm about to do feels like suicide. (No, I'm not thinking about physically harming myself).

I'm going to message him after 3 years and ask him to meet me. I'm not preparing for it, not thinking about it, not processing anything. I'm a determined, calm, emotional mess and I need to do this. I have needed to do this for years. I have the guts right now. And I don't know when I may have them again. In his pictures, I see a total stranger. This could be utter shit. I may ruin next few months for myself or begin healing.

People come into your life to connect you with music you had never experienced before (yup, that's the only purpose). They leave a little bit of themselves behind with every piece of music they share with you - or at least, I cherish them with every piece of music I revisit.

"A sentence in an article brought me to tears.

It has been 4 years and it doesn't stop hurting. 

I was brought back to Aug 3rd, 2011, sitting side by side with the love of my life. We had moved from facing each other to sitting side by side, because we both needed to feel a bit closer after the topic that had been touched upon. 

He wanted to be polyamorous. 

His role model had gone polyamorous a couple years ago. A year later, him and his wife were divorcing because it didn't work for her. Their transition made him curious. My fear about his curiosity kept me at bay, even intellectually. Conversations about it had begun between the two of us. He wanted me to read a book about it. Just the conversations alone made me curl up in fetal position. The idea hurt. I understood fully that I did not own him in any sort of a way. But no part of my self could accept the idea of him being intimate with another woman. 

For two years, there were conversations about it every 5-6 months. Every time, it would end with an explanation of just how difficult the idea was for me.  

That day, sitting side by side, he told me he absolutely wanted to experience polyamory. 

That one sentence felt like my heart was being beaten with a whip. Over, and over again. 

I had felt heavy under my inability to let him go, to let him grow into the person he was choosing for himself. The pain of him growing into that person was way more than not having him in my life anymore. I couldn't have him in my life anymore. That was the only possible relief from the pain. 

I told him in a solemn voice that we couldn't be together anymore. We had always promised to value each other's well-being and personal growth over our restrictive desires. He understood. 

We hugged. He held me. Then asked me to hold him. I fell asleep. I was exhausted after such an emotionally difficult conversation. I did not want to wake up from that nap, because I knew I had to get up and go. And that would be the end. 

He called me the next day to tell me he did not want to break up. That he decided he did not want to go poly anymore, and for us to stay together. 

But that came too late. It came after I had taken quite a beating from his desires. I couldn't be with him any longer. Ever. 

He was embarrassed that he was seeking polyamory. Asked me to never tell anyone. I promised I never would. 

I kept the pain to myself for years. Today, one sentence brought me to tears. My heart still feels the pain of the beating of that sentence."

I am really liking all the painting :).

My goal is to be able to do an acrylic painting of ammani for Nana Abbu - not an easy task at all

I need to work on not just painting skills but also understand shading and improve on sketching portraits.

I be excited

Therapy is nothing magical. It's all about validation, some insight and coping strategies.

But EMDR is like magic. We don't understand how it works.

I want to learn motivational interviewing.

1. Having the best of everything is just not important. I kept wanting to take certain courses in undergrad that I thought would give me the edge in what I knew, but the time investment in terms of "real world" would not have been worth it.

2. Knowing everything isn't what got me job opportunities. It was being good at what I did, having invested hours and hours of work.

I'm finally learning that you really just need to pick your niche and work hard at it. Other knowledge is good to have, and also secondary.

My career is starting to form a trajectory, based on what I spend most of my time doing. Luckily, it is everything that I want to do.

Also life:

Maybe it is not supposed to be combed with a fine tooth-ed comb. Maybe it's ok to relax as long as your time is invested in the right place.

Any tiny little glimpses into reality, hidden reality, makes me love life that much more :)

What love smells like

Before jumping off the crane for bungee, I found myself swearing under my breath. As the fear increased, the desire to swear out loud increased. For a moment, I found myself wondering if the two guys would take offence if I swore out loud. *facepalm*

I was able to swear out loud soon after that realization.

Wohooo! My Cleopatra dress can easily be converted into work-appropriate attire. Yay!

Aw, I feel so loved.

My mom is really picky with her friendships too. One of the friends she has made recently is so very similar to my mom, you can see why they are friends.

My mom told her about something that happened in my life recently. M aunty has been upset about it and angry at the situation, for me. She just called me to ask me to come and spend a day with her - given that my mom is away.

Me being awkward about spending A DAY with someone my mom's age, and being concerned about not knowing what to talk about, I probably didn't reciprocate well. Even though I am really touched that she is reaching out to me to see how I am doing and is angry for me.

(Its nothing too too bad, which makes me feel even more cared for.)

I've made plans to visit her, even if its for a couple hours.

I'm touched.

I am about to say this, publically, on my blog.

I want to take someone/anyone I like and just kiss them passionately. (Probably because I am hurting a little bit.)

Dresses, dresses everywhere

I decided to wear knee-length dresses without the very opaque pantyhose. I love dresses, and pantyhose in Summer just kills the prettiness.

I wore one of my regular dresses to work today, and got compliments. I loved the feminine feeling. It felt extremely natural.

I'm lovvvvving the casual-greek-goddess maxi dress I got during lunch :D. Cant wait to wear it.

"How does it make you feel?" is a way better question than "what do you think?" to induce action.

I don't know the name of the person who does the poetry after Tina Sani's Mori Araj Suno, Coke studio version.

I love the smile on his face while he recites the poetry. He's really quite enjoying it.

Bungeeeeed-Jumpeeeeed

Bungeeed. It was fun. And all the fear was out as soon as it ended. I could have gone for more jumps.

3 seconds of free fall. 200ft drop.

I don't even remember when my body inverted to head first.

Whoever said it doesn't feel as bad as you anticipate it to, was right. All the fun is in the anticipation. The jump itself was not as exciting. But definitely fun.

Everything is happening at the same time. Mamoon had a minor stroke in Pakistan earlier this week. He's barely in his 50s. Just became the chair of his department at the university. He was teaching when it happened.

Luckily doctors think that with dedicated physiotherapy he can recover in 3-6 months.

Aashiyanay ki baat kartay ho by Noor Jahan is making me feel in love. So beautiful. I want to force someone to listen to it and enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying it.

Darkened room, linden and dark moss candle, Mehdi Hassan ghazals, and a nice drink

My little heaven :)

I need to become a little more about things. Pretty things.

Candles, scents, teapots, pencils, lamps

If there's one thing I never learned: it is to be cut and dry regarding simple, specific factors and not give chances to what falls outside.

Though, friends also say I am very particular about what I want and don't settle until I get it.

I'm sitting outside the gym a little after 8am, when I'm not a morning workout person. I need to write this before I go inside.

Anxiety/stress is hitting me hard. I kept waking up throughout the night and upon waking up, I couldn't sit still. My stomach is acting up. I don't want to "waste" time at the gym when I could be spending this time working. But there's more than work stressing me out, and I just need to manage it for a few days.

It's a fear. It's about losing something important. Wow, the degree to which I'm stressed might be indicative of something.

And there we go. That realization calms me down [I know what it's indicative of].

Nightmares every day of the week
Unexplained anxiety
(TMI) upset stomach
Cramps

Its that time of the year.

What a night of crazy dreams.

Was woken up by the dream where a woman is running after to stab another woman, in my house, after she's already taken a few jabs.

So weird.

Case of facebook induced shitty feeling.

There's enough happening on the family front. Was talking to my cousin in Pakistan about how 2015 really is the year for our family in terms of everything going wrong at the same time. People down with health issues, accidents, deaths and way more.

Moreso, this month. The last two weeks, actually. So much has been happening.

Can't fall asleep now because I'm seriously thinking of lifting heavy at the gym, and fewer reps.

I'm tired of the same old cardio, and low weights, high rep strength training. I'm not seeing any results.

Also, it's too boring for it to stick.

I am now trying to figure out machines that really push you. As much as I enjoy assisted chin ups and inclined push ups, I'm getting bored of them.

I want to see muscle definition to some degree. The functional movements make me feel strong but show no muscle definition.

Lots of research required.

Found this in my "journal":

My indulgence with my passions makes me HAPPY, unkept, alone and feel insecure about how little I know/can do.

How much life is in that one sentence!

Our desires aren't necessarily the solutions to the problems that gave rise to those desires.

It aches a little
Makes little sense.
All I know is this ache
Carries with it potential
To bring life.

I've been having scary dreams lately, with the same theme.

A few weeks ago I dreamt I was in a dark parking lot and couldn't find the car. I dropped the keys, and as soon as I was about to pick them up, I noticed some creepy looking men looking at me. I became more vigilant and decided to not pick up the keys.

Then I was sitting on top of a container, with other large containers gathered around me to keep them from getting to me. I tried to talk to them in my dream to let me be, but they continued to walk towards me. I had a brief moment of imagining what would happen next and at that point, I woke up.

Last night, similar dream. I am looking for the car again and I can't find it. This is on a city street. The car was parked on a side street right off a main-ish street.

I walk into a side street and there's one guy ahead of me. He looks dangerous. I hear him say something like "there's no escape from this street" to himself. I decide to leave upon hearing that. I don't see the car anyway. He notices me when I turn around and asks me something, and almost as if I heard what he said. I respond to make him feel heard and quickly leave. I realize the end of that street was dark. There really was no escape.

I come back to the main street. I check a few other streets but its dark. I then stumble upon a shopping plaza which is better lit. I ask this guy where the street is. He's Asian. I realize I'm trusting him. Then he says "you can always come home with me," suggestively. I realize how uninformed it is of me to trust this person only because of his better lit surroundings and normal looking clothes.

I turn to this woman, who looks off too. But while she's telling me something, I see a police officer. I go to him. The woman gestures to try to tell me something about him but I don't understand.

I feel safer as I sit in the one-room office that really doesn't look like police's office. I sit there. We talk. Not across from each other on a desk. There's no desk. The police officer has a stain on his shirt and doesn't look well kept, which makes me wonder if I am safe with him.

We step out. It is the morning. I see that night before there was a riot on those same streets and riot police is everywhere, cleaning up the streets.

We walk over to a car, from where me, this other guy, male police officer and a female one are to get on a truck. But I feel unsafe again. I think to call up a friend at that point, and that's when I wake up.

All the while, the fear is that I am not safe. While sitting by the police officer, I wonder if he will attack me. The concern every time is about physical safety, about being raped.

I haven't watched any tv shows. or movies lately. I am not sure where all of this is coming from.

I need my own clone to talk about all those difficult things that make me want to crave chocolaty desserts to make me feel better. Really, they feel like a variant of existential concerns. They make me wanna hide out in a dark place.

Its not about death though. Its about making sure I'm living a life worth living. Worth living by standards that span societies over 100s of years. By standards that I have inherited. Any indications to the contrary make me feel little.

No matter who you speak with, that unbreakable barrier exists. I end at my skin, my concerns begin and end with my skin. I have had care. External, distanced care, not empathy (not often enough) that breaks that barrier. And how could it. The other person is limited by their life's limited resources.

That real true empathy heals. If there's one thing I'm learning, no one can make a profession of it and still continue to unadulteratedly empathize. You can't do that for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

There are only a few clients with whom I forget the divide. When I truly empathize, I hurt. It brings back my own pain of one kind or another. That is why the distance is necessary.

That connection though is also what makes me love what I do. That connection is what I want.

That connection is also what brings moments of loneliness, of realization that I end at my skin. That my life is experienced by only me and must be lived by my standards.

I'm not sad right now, or lonely. I'm musing. I'm distracting myself from the initial ache, that I can describe in CBT terms. But it doesn't fix it. What fixes it is gathering your bearings and making this life worth living, a little at a time.

What do you do when you know a friend is going to get his daughter circumcized...

Just saw the little girl's pictures, and I can't stop thinking about it. Our last conversation about it was way before his wife was even pregnant, and he had said its part of the community.

Yeh dhoop kinara - Faiz Ahmed Faiz

In Nayyara Noor's beautiful voice.

Music like this is one of the few things that help me feel better on a crappy day.

I don't like the part of life where you have to deal with your feelings by yourself :p.

I'll be fine in a couple hours. There is one mid-level stressor going on, one fear of a high-level stressor and another little annoyance to do with the mid-level stressor, for today. My insides are churning because of the fear of high level stressor. Its something that may have happened, and that's the worry. I have no way of finding out.

In CBT terms, its a high stressor because it goes to the question of love and belonging, and feeling unworthy.

:) - human beings are such amazing things, from feeling all these feelings to creating civilizations that can express these feelings and figure the matters of existence out. Life is funny, ridiculous and arbitrary.

I like Katie Melua's "its only pain". The song goes "it's only pain, it only hurts. I've been down on the floor where I've been before". She's talking about heartbreak, which luckily is far from what I'm feeling, but its only sadness/stress, it only sucks :p.

Aik jabr-e-waqt hai k jiyay ja rahay hain hum
aur isay zindagi bhi kahay ja rahay hain hum

rehnay ki ye jagah tou nahin hai laiken
pathar banay huay hain, jiyay ja rahay hain hum

- himayat ali shair

I only saw nana abbu last week, but I miss him. I miss our conversations. He has become so very quiet, there would be conversations going on around him about all those topics he used to take lead on, and now he just sits quietly :(. He just doesn't care.

I am so glad I have these:

All of my other feelings may be relaxing but my anger isnt. I don't have the patience for bullshit. I don't know how to handle people who lie to your face, act dishonourably and completely deny it.

There is value in staying in touch with ones initial, unadulterated, "childish" feelings. The ones you had when you started off on any project. It makes you appear inexperienced and immature. But that is also what leaves you "pure" (in intent) and connected.

With any work we take on, with experience, we learn so much more that disconnects us from the original goals and the feelings that initiated the projects.

I am seeing a lot of cynicism in certain areas of my life, and really, it is the conflict of egos. Everyone really does, in this case I do trust, wants to do the right thing. But need for adequate recognition and perception of lack of control get in the way of the initial motivations that brought them together.

It is very common for people in any sort of service industries to grow cynical. There is a limit to how much one can give, even if they choose to give. Even if they are being paid to give. Giving can get emotionally taxing, and no amount of monetary value can really reset a person back to newness. Nothing but desire on the part of the individual and real, true appreciation can potentially bring it back. The primary motivation for anyone in service industry is to give, and so it has to be nourished.
\

Aside: Anyone in the business of giving probably learns that resetting ones self over and over is the way to survive, while gaining wisdom from those experiences. 

I am speechless.

Mind of a sad me

Sadness is taking over me. The kind that makes you want to listen to sad music. I am actually drowning myself in sad music before I get me a warm, comforting, chocolaty, caffeinated latte and head to the gym.

I realized I haven't felt this way in a long time. I've felt anxious, and other things, but not this kind of sad. I'm glad to be in this phase of my life.

Its the sadness of losing/not getting what you want.

Meh. I will be okay.

I must finally be growing up if my feelings are losing their intensity :p, and being able self care rather well.

I also have so much more compassion for the times I was in heart wrenching pain. Losing your sense of identity and belongingness is tough. That was definitely quite bad. And I dealt with it well.

This is more of a journal entry than blog. But who cares, its my blog.

I love my life with all the ways it makes me sad and makes me feel alive. I actually hugged myself this morning with louvveeee.

On an apparently unrelated note, I think I understand how EMDR works. I am not quite dealing with what made me sad here, I'm getting past it. When this comes up next, I will be sad again.

Grrr! Sleep eludes me again.

We are afraid, so afraid, to really, truly connect.
To bare our chests open and share all the joy we sometimes allow ourselves to feel
What we are truly proud of
What we live for
And what we would die for.
What makes us want to hide away in the dark of our closets like little children
And makes us cry ourselves to sleep on those sleepless night
We have all had those experiences, I do truly believe
We are just afraid to feel, to be and to share
Is there anything scarier to little by little open our hearts and be truly seen?
To fear rejection at every step
To really, truly connect.

The Summer Day

By: Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Yaar ko hum ne ja ba ja dekha

Beauty, is this.

This is old stuff to be thinking about. But I like the little amount of excitement and groundedness this brings to me.

(This also makes me feel dumb/childish, because they aren't the most original or special ideas in the world.)

Two things I care to live my life by, get excited about (and loath) are reality/honesty and compassion.

Hrithik Roshan's dance moves are such a treat to watch

And Abhay Deol's regular guy, slightly awkward moves are endearing

I am looking to find arguments pro anarchism.

The political compass's reading list shall be helpful: http://www.politicalcompass.org/reading

Quote on Libertarian Left reading page:

"Under capitalism, man exploits man.
Under communism, it's just the opposite."

-J.K.Galbraith

A tad excited about starting the day early tomorrow. And in this excitement, I can't fall asleep tonight.