I think it means something when you realize you are excited it's the weekend, solely because you get to spend it with your husband.
#socheesy #buttrue
Friday, September 9, 2016
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Post-wedding blues.
I don't know if there is such a thing. But I am feeling it.
The biggest event of my life is done. I am thinking about all the little mistakes that were made. The fact that I wasn't smiling when we exchanged rings, or when I walked down the aisle, I don't know if I had a smile on my face. I shouldn't have picked my wedding jewellery literally the night before. I should have tried the dress on with the jewellery to make sure that is what I wanted to look like. I should have thought twice about getting my hair done the way it was. No one would say that I did not look good, and I do think I looked good, but I could have prepared more, instead of winging many details.
I bought the cake topper and forgot all about it. It did not make it to the cake until the cake reached the venue - and then the topper broke.
Our DJ pissed me off with his attitude and lack of effort. I did not have our entrance songs figured out. I literally chose my entrance, one I had liked many months ago, when I was getting ready on the day of the wedding. Our valima song was chosen while we were waiting at the venue, and we just went with DJ's recommendation - a song I did like. I am finding new music that I wish I had before the wedding. I would have loved to play it at the wedding.
Like this for example:
Laung Gawacha, a folk song, and it's Coke Studio rendition.
I know I was tired out of my mind before the wedding. I did not care about all those details. But I wish I had the time and the energy. Now, with more people getting married soon after me, who have/would have the time to make their wedding way better I would feel jealous. Happy for them, but also jealous. I know I really, really shouldn't.
I don't know if there is such a thing. But I am feeling it.
The biggest event of my life is done. I am thinking about all the little mistakes that were made. The fact that I wasn't smiling when we exchanged rings, or when I walked down the aisle, I don't know if I had a smile on my face. I shouldn't have picked my wedding jewellery literally the night before. I should have tried the dress on with the jewellery to make sure that is what I wanted to look like. I should have thought twice about getting my hair done the way it was. No one would say that I did not look good, and I do think I looked good, but I could have prepared more, instead of winging many details.
I bought the cake topper and forgot all about it. It did not make it to the cake until the cake reached the venue - and then the topper broke.
Our DJ pissed me off with his attitude and lack of effort. I did not have our entrance songs figured out. I literally chose my entrance, one I had liked many months ago, when I was getting ready on the day of the wedding. Our valima song was chosen while we were waiting at the venue, and we just went with DJ's recommendation - a song I did like. I am finding new music that I wish I had before the wedding. I would have loved to play it at the wedding.
Like this for example:
Laung Gawacha, a folk song, and it's Coke Studio rendition.
I know I was tired out of my mind before the wedding. I did not care about all those details. But I wish I had the time and the energy. Now, with more people getting married soon after me, who have/would have the time to make their wedding way better I would feel jealous. Happy for them, but also jealous. I know I really, really shouldn't.
Depression
In the Cognitive Behavior Therapy circle, we believe that all an individual needs to do to overcome depression is change their thought patterns. Figure out their ABCs; affect, behaviour and cognition. A and B are easier to figure out, which then help with C.
What we often forget is that often there is a natural progression from a sense of despair and hopelessness, to problem solving after accepting the truth. The length of the process differs for every individual.
We need space to express those thoughts. We need to be able to talk about the depression, and the depression-causing thoughts. Once the individual feels they have formed a good, supportive relationship, we can slowly move on to awareness and evidence finding.
Of course, all of this is only possible when the individual is motivated enough to make a change.
What we often forget is that often there is a natural progression from a sense of despair and hopelessness, to problem solving after accepting the truth. The length of the process differs for every individual.
We need space to express those thoughts. We need to be able to talk about the depression, and the depression-causing thoughts. Once the individual feels they have formed a good, supportive relationship, we can slowly move on to awareness and evidence finding.
Of course, all of this is only possible when the individual is motivated enough to make a change.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Now that the option of having kids is available to me, I'm reconsidering my desire for them :s.
It's not like I don't want them objectively speaking, but when that idea meets the reality of living, I'm not so sure. I'm not so sure it is that easy to bring up kids.
Kids are work. And they are expensive. And a lot of work. All those ideals about raising your kids well go out the window when you have little time and little energy.
I don't think I would actually want to go through my entire life without kids, but im not so warm to the idea right now. Also, thankfully, I have some time.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
I thought Fundamentals of Caring would be a boring, cheesy movie.
By the end of it, as possibly intended, this is what I was left with:
Life is really fucking short. Years go by, a child grows to adulthood, and you grow out your prime years in no time. You have lived the productive years of your life. Nothing lets you recognize time going by like a child growing up.
Like life, marriage too is impermanent. Who has not known that. I got married with complete knowledge of the statistics. But now it hits me on another level.
We know if a couple loses their child, the chances of divorce increase exponentially. That is one of the background plots in the movie. Being newly married, it struck home. Life is short, anything can go wrong. Having a child is a huge gamble that can open you up to lifelong suffering that you (most-likely) endearingly embrace. And divorce as expensive as it may be, is not unimaginable.
Solution? Create happiness, success and love. You cannot sustain happiness, success and love without putting in the work.
By the end of it, as possibly intended, this is what I was left with:
Life is really fucking short. Years go by, a child grows to adulthood, and you grow out your prime years in no time. You have lived the productive years of your life. Nothing lets you recognize time going by like a child growing up.
Like life, marriage too is impermanent. Who has not known that. I got married with complete knowledge of the statistics. But now it hits me on another level.
We know if a couple loses their child, the chances of divorce increase exponentially. That is one of the background plots in the movie. Being newly married, it struck home. Life is short, anything can go wrong. Having a child is a huge gamble that can open you up to lifelong suffering that you (most-likely) endearingly embrace. And divorce as expensive as it may be, is not unimaginable.
Solution? Create happiness, success and love. You cannot sustain happiness, success and love without putting in the work.
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