Suspended in the air
hanging by the threads
of hopes and expectations
fear of spreading your wings
fear of falling and breaking
fear of your heart exploding
with love and acceptance
that feels too good to be true

This song reminds me of the person who introduced me to the song.

It helps me see the beauty that lies in sadness. A different kind of liveliness...

Happiness, as much as I love it, seems shallow in experience.

(I am most definitely weighing the value of happiness against sadness)

Grrr! I have had no motivation whatsoever to go the gymmm. Like it does not matter.

Grrrrr!!!

This needs to be made easier.

My room smells like heaveeeennn.

Wow, I most definitely need to do something about this anxiety.

I don't know what's wrong with me!

Woke up with certain thoughts and this can easily zap my energy for the day - all because of worry and fear for what mayyy happen.

(I don't like too many posts here about what's wrong with my life but I can't expect to talk to someone at this hour and knowing that friends read this makes it feel appropriate to share it here. Also writing it out makes me conscious of it and it's easier to put up defence against the it.)

Plan for the morning:
1) nice, long hot shower
2) good breakie

I've been way too anxious lately.

Littlest things are making me worry way more than necessary.

Just spoke with abbu about some of the stuff and he can't understand why I am so worried. He kind of whisked me away but it's good to realize I am likely worrying way too much about stuff that does not matter much. 

Gah. Still feeling anxious at the pit of my stomach.

Feels like a lot of pent up frustration. I am going to need a good crying session to feel better :p. That seems to be the only "healthy" release. No amount of caffeine, ice cream or carbs will do. Couldn't gather enough energy to hit the gym either.

Coincidentally enough, most upvoted answers for this Quora question are in regards to romantic relationships:

What is the wisest decision you have ever made in your life and what was its outcome?

I am trying to sell it to myself, aren't I!

I may be a bit of a commitment phobe. Not that I don't want to commit, but that I am actually afraid.

Not afraid of 'what if a better person comes along' or 'one person for the rest of my life', I think it's more of fear of real, true emotional intimacy. The navigation through emotions, expectations and the hope to arrive at some sort of agreements.

I get what I heard growing up; these relationships are as delicate as threads as strong as chains.

It is the fear of investing all of you, only to find nothing at the end.

I don't know why I am being such a child about it though.

There's also so much life in putting yourself out there, to think before you speak, to express the truth, to watch the reaction, to keep it from falling, to give in, to keep yourself from giving in, to weep through affection and cry through the pain, to feel that deep connection...