Happy Monday!

So, I am happy. Haha. I have been happier for no reason, whatsoever, and I am loving it.

I didn't wake up particularly happy this morning. But I remembered the 'now' promise and actually became aware of the present. This is so marvelous that I can bring my attention to the bed that I am sitting on, the sunlight peering through the window and feel attentive and fully awake within moments.

I had a few moments of awe today, just by noticing my happiness. There's nothing really special that happened today. Nothing at all. My day wasn't even as productive as it could have been. I actually have something to be disappointed about, but I am not. Except an ad on the subway told me that I have a great body. Now, how can that not make me happy!

:)

I guess I should be grateful that I know what things excite me in life. Today was a good day in a way because I was reminded of things I am passionate about. Just remembering that had me full of excitement and gratitude :).

There were times though, during the day, when I couldn't get out of my head. I tried all things I could think of. I tried paying attention to my breath, I tried to bring my attention to physical objects near me, I even tried eating a delicious sub just to direct my attention to the flavour. None of it worked. Then, I gave up. My mind was elsewhere and I just couldn't concentrate on the task on hand.

The happiness, however, was back shortly after. I find myself more willing to take on new things when I am actually feeling happier, which is exactly what happened.

I am really excited to see this 'now-living' unfold. :D

Experientially meaningful

I can say that the past weekend was experientially quite meaningful. I have actively been trying to stay in the present. I am not sure exactly what it is that has me feeling so good. It wasn't a productive weekend at all. The 'now' realization has been forcing me to stay in the present and make it a happier present.

I am tempted to analyze what's going on, but I'll refrain from doing that, for now. I am just happy that I am happy. Looking forward to more real life, in the moment experiences! :)

Living in the Now

It's quite coincidental that my realization that I live in my head came with a very deep understanding of the dangers of not living in the now.

I was, as usual, lost in my thoughts about something a few nights ago. I started thinking about someone who I think is in a bit of despair. I realized how unstructured thinking can lead to mental health issues. It hit me then that the solution IS to live in the present.

It was a pretty deep realization. I couldn't shake it off. I made a pledge with myself, right there and then, to try to stay in the moment as much as I can.

I have been aware of this idea for a really long time. But I think this is what helped it sink in:

Contrary to what generally assumed, the physical world does not exist "in time". At the basic microscopic level, the world is better described in terms of a a-temporal theory, where physical laws do not express time evolution of physical variables, but just relations between variables. Time emerges only thermodynamically when describing macroscopic variables. Therefore time is only a side effect of our ignorance of the microscopic state of the world. "Time is a side effect of ignorance."

-Carlo Rovelli, Theoretical Physicist; University of the Mediterraneum.

I needed a very firm, physical world explanation of this idea. The spiritual idea that has been around me for a really long time, was just not making any sense.

I am really excited about this new perception :).

Living in my head

I've been having this nice brand of realizations/experiences lately. It started off a few months ago with realizations that I have fairy-tale thinking. By that, I mean, my thinking was such, or my assumptions about my life were such that everything would turn out alright. I am not sure if it's a "correct" belief about the nature of things and human beings (we always get over the crap life throws our way - and get over the good stuff too), or a belief rooted in lack of desire to make a change. I fear that it might be latter, and thus, what seems like fairy-tale thinking.

Anyway, so that happened a few times in last few months. Then, a few weeks ago, I realized that I spend a lot of my time IN MY HEAD. Everyone has always told me that I think a lot. I, recently, actually understood it. Haha. I realized how much I live in my head. I am almost always thinking about one thing or the other. I always considered that to be my "thing".

Now, I have moved on to feeling like I have been living in a bubble and I am finally starting to see what's on the outside. It's not at all a negative feeling, or even positive. Actually, there's no emotion associated with it. It's just this feeling that I've been in a bubble and now I can see what's outside of it.

It's all quite interesting. I am a little tempted to regret how I haven't been in touch with reality. I've been a very systems thinker. Now that my big systemic questions are answered to my satisfaction, maybe it's time for me to move into the now.

So moving into the now is going to be my thing :). I am actually excited about this.