In undergrad, a "therapist" once told me that I will not get into grad school with my grades.

I don't quite know what possessed her to say such a thing - but that's besides the point.

I am now half way there.

If anyone tried to tell me I won't have a PhD under my belt, I'll show them.

This hasn't been an easy battle for me. I was under the impression this degree will go by with ease. That's not the case. But I'm ready to fight.

I randomly feel that lack of meaning in my life. It happens at least monthly, and for the last couple weeks, it's been happening a couple times a week at least.

I don't know why. My life is full. I have everything (important) I wanted. I'm generally happy about my life's trajectory - where I am less than satisfied, I know the reasons, and so it doesn't bother me.

But this feeling keeps returning.

Sometimes being too busy and stressed about meeting the next deadline is the culprit, but I fear that it's the lack of meaningful activities that are the cause. I don't know.

This summer I haven't had a single weekend properly off. There has been some responsibility to meet every weekend, from extremely stressful school paper, to health conditions, weddings and wedding anniversaries in the family. I'm not the person to shy away from family time/responsibilities, but after a very hectic year, crazy May/June, and busy rest of the summer, it's starting to feel like there never was any rest.

I don't know if this is how life is supposed to be. It's always moving, there's always something.

I have wanted a rich life. Rich with a fulfilling career, experiences, love, time with family and friends. I want to die knowing I lived a good, full life.

But here I am feeling the opposite...