I have a client with deep-seated anger because of the war zone she had been a part of. Bullets crossed her path and bombs blasted on her street.

I can't wait to introduce Narrative therapy to her and see how it works for her.

I think I should journal about her experience. That's the only way to gain more insight into her experience.



It's hard not to have heart-felt affection for your clients.

It's something when your colleagues experiences are way worse than your clients.

I can't fall asleep thinking about what my internship advisor shared with me about her life. I wouldn't know how to live if that's what I had to go through, in addition to regular life stuff.

Then a classmate shared with me a horrific childhood incident - moreso an episode. Yesterday, another one of our very senior advisors shared an extremely difficult news.

I'm concerned about what my advisor said today. I wish I had gotten up and hugged that woman. She's on my mind more than my clients.

My perfectionism is acting up again. Now it has to do with our furniture.

Both W and I are extremely particular about what we like. So far we have customized most of our furniture. We haven't bought a single "set", except for the nightstands that came with the bed.

However, as much as I love the idea of the freedom to customize exactly to my tastes, practically, it's a decision making hell!

While trying to figure out the kinds of cushions I want on our couch, I found myself on fabricland's website. There I was, thinking about sewing our own cushions. I have already toyed with the idea of making our own coffee table.

But who has the time, or the skill? Neither one of us. But the idea of having things exactly how you want them, and starting a new project that no one these days engages with, and literally making a place your home is C-O-O-L!

I am either a bored, suburban wife or a "cool", city-dwelling hipster.

Let's not forget, I have work, classes and a steeep learning-curve of a placement.
Oh, and a new marriage.

I just realized that I am way more comfortable with the term "calculated risk" than I am with "go with your gut".

I am coming across many borderline personality disorder folks. Part of the diagnostic criteria of BPD is chronic suicidality. They feel compelled to threaten suicide to get the attention, care and support they are needing. As there is often very little family and relationship support available to them, they rely heavily on their therapist and other care providers.

With the knowledge of client's diagnosis missing, I found myself with - what appeared to be - severe suicidality. I could not get clear answers from them that would help me determine how severe their suicidal intent was. They knew if they gave me answers that spell out severe risk, we would have to get them to go to the hospital. Because these clients visit the centre with suicide risk 2-3 times a week, everyone has learned to manage the risk. These clients had no previous history of an attempt which would put them at a higher risk. Again, with lack of information and only hearing the presence of suicidal thoughts, I stayed engaged with them to get to a resolution for way longer than I should, or they became antagonistic towards me. By the end of the sessions, I felt like a failure because I was not able to reach a resolution. One of the clients kept me up for much of the night. I kept worrying about what I had done and should have done.

I felt better when I got to debrief the next day. I learned of her diagnosis and how other people have had a difficult time working with her too.

I have been told that in a crisis situation, I should go with my gut about what needs to be done; if police must be involved. I have found that rather confusing. I realize I need to stay calm on a much deeper level to hear my "gut" speak - which is hard to do when you have an emotional, agitated, suicidal client.

While reading up on some publications on BPD and suicidality, I came across a suggestion for therapists to not be afraid of client's suicidality and take a "calculated risk" to determine the next steps. And that term instantly put me at ease.

I can do calculated risks. My evidence- based rationality-based education makes it impossible to justify "gut" for clinical decisions (and for everything else, really).