I am really stressed and feeling sick.

But I am feeling grateful.

For the first time today, I approached a stranger and talked to them about what is stressing me out.

And I feel so very grateful to this lady. That was a real connection even though I barely knew anything about her. She then shared some things about her and it was just so human of an experience.

This makes me want what I want even more. I want to be the person who is there when life is tough. I want to be the person who is there to support the other person through life's crap.

I feel a lot less stressed. My stress is not questioning my capabilities as a person anymore. Compassion from another person is just so important to remind yourself to have compassion for yourself.

I feel just a tad bit renewed.

Counselling, counselling skills, processes and knowledge of how to approach issues makes me feel alive. So for example something traumatic such as sexual abuse would be handled with a lot more emphasis in the exploration, validation and problem solving orientation phase than on anything else.

Many therapeutic strategies believe that exploration of affect and meaning, combined with the therapeutic alliance with the counsellor is enough to take people through the stages of trauma to a place of acceptance. It is this place of acceptance and ability to manage difficult emotions that is the end result.

Anyway, for many other problems, it is important to move rather quickly from the exploration stage to the problem solving stage. It depends on the issue and the needs of the client.

In my experience, lack of problem solving strategies could seriously leave the client at a loss, where they are unable to move forward. There has to be clear communication where each stage that the counsellor is at is communicated to the client and inquired if they feel okay about moving to the next step or if there is more they want to talk about.

The requirements of the day to day really do take away from connection; be it connection with your self, a higher purpose or other people.

Grrr. Charming jerks! They are charming from afar and real jerks up close.

What makes you feel ALLLLIVEEE?

My list so far:

- a good run
- weight training session
- smell of earth after rain
- getting drenched in the rain when its neither too cold nor humid and hot (after rain)
- getting drenched in a heavenly scent
- deep emotional pain (sadly, but yeah, it makes you feel alive)
- sexiness of a (your own) well toned body (over 3 pounds right now though)
- accomplishing something difficult

Is the grass ever greener on the other side?

On a much lighter note:

How do I immortalize niece's "channa puppoo"!

If I ask what my name is, she says "channa puppoo"
If you ask her her name, she says "leea"
Her baba's name is "Faaash", which also sounds like "fahaash" in urdu (:p)
Her mama's name is "Sameee-mama"
Her brother's name is "z-aayee"

Hung out with an uncle (mamoon) yesterday who tends to be very real about life. He does not hesitate to talk about real, hard facts of life, career and relationships. I appreciate those conversations. It really helps that he is also quite funny.

There have been a few things he has said in passing that have lead me on my own search for information and meaning without ever uttering a word to him. One of the things he said a long time ago, and then again yesterday was that no matter what you do with your life, no matter how ambitious that goal appears to be, you reach a day when it stops requiring as much from you. You get what you do down to a science. As a doctor, he said, he knows exactly what to prescribe when. It happens rather rarely that you have something novel thrown your way which actually requires you to think. I can most definitely see what even the best of routines can do to you.

Yesterday, he also added, if you look back to the last 4 (or so) years of your life and you don't have a good amount of memories, you haven't done much. Your life has become routine and you haven't been living; it's time to make a change. 

It's important to be reminded of that. Repeating routines is not really living. You have to infuse life in your everyday, be it in attempts to move forward or see all situations as anew everyday. Life would be way too dull without that. 

If I only did things for people when *I* actively desired, I wouldn't have any relationships.

Making a compromise and doing something that my occurent feelings do not wish to do right now is me caring for the long term bond with that person. 

Blah

Koi meray dil se poochay, teray teer-e-neem kash ko
Ye khalish kahan se hotee, jo jigar k paar hota

What does it feel like to be you?

Does it feel much the same as being me?

Grr... procrastination or ADD?

Sat down to do some work, did some work then one thought lead to another, ADD came into the picture (I don't know HOW!). My last google search was about adult ADD treatments and "life coaches" *face-palm*

Half an hour wasted.

I get told often that I am really "chill", "relaxed", "calm". It almost always comes as a surprise to me.

In the last two days, two instances of annoyance happened. During both instances, I briefly thought about letting the person-in-question know, but then decided against it. My thought process goes to the *manner of expressing* annoyance. It can be conveyed in a manner that can damage the fabric of the relationship, or strengthen it.

In both instances I was a little too miffed to be able to express my annoyance calmly (there was a build up in both cases). I also figured that I don't feel that annoyed often so decided to let it go.

I guess that may be why I am seen as calm.

But as I am getting older, my boundaries are definitely getting clearer. If my boundaries are crossed one too many times, the person would hear about it - in a respectful suppressed-annoyance sort of a way. If they continue to cross my boundaries, there will definitely be anger. I am no push-over, though possibly unpredictable to an unsuspecting eye - for this reason I have consciously made an effort to start talking about the annoyance before it reaches the anger stage.

I have the capacity to give a whole lot. If I care about you, I will give, in little ways, often. "Giving" is not the intention though, the intention is to maintain a good bond. But no concession on crossing my boundaries.

I am learning that there is a method to my "madness" (anger) and even my compassion.