Monday, August 4, 2014

I get told often that I am really "chill", "relaxed", "calm". It almost always comes as a surprise to me.

In the last two days, two instances of annoyance happened. During both instances, I briefly thought about letting the person-in-question know, but then decided against it. My thought process goes to the *manner of expressing* annoyance. It can be conveyed in a manner that can damage the fabric of the relationship, or strengthen it.

In both instances I was a little too miffed to be able to express my annoyance calmly (there was a build up in both cases). I also figured that I don't feel that annoyed often so decided to let it go.

I guess that may be why I am seen as calm.

But as I am getting older, my boundaries are definitely getting clearer. If my boundaries are crossed one too many times, the person would hear about it - in a respectful suppressed-annoyance sort of a way. If they continue to cross my boundaries, there will definitely be anger. I am no push-over, though possibly unpredictable to an unsuspecting eye - for this reason I have consciously made an effort to start talking about the annoyance before it reaches the anger stage.

I have the capacity to give a whole lot. If I care about you, I will give, in little ways, often. "Giving" is not the intention though, the intention is to maintain a good bond. But no concession on crossing my boundaries.

I am learning that there is a method to my "madness" (anger) and even my compassion. 

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