I'm SO done with any social justice issues and "providing" support.

I know I need a short vacation soon. I have too much going on. I just want to sleep.

Fatigue approaches.

I didn't realize how strong of a value 'service to humanity' is to me.

While deconstructing an ethical issue, I have had to journal several times to deal with my frustration. The dilemma also makes me fearful for my long-term prospects. This situation had to do with a client with passive thoughts of suicide. I have been concerned for the level of suffering that a passively suicidal client deals with.

One drawback of dealing with suicidal clients frequently is that you develop an insensitivity to lower risks of suicide.

Along with all this, my thoughts are also laced with a fear of my lack of clinical knowledge and best practices. Am I being too idealistic about support? Do I just plain lack knowledge? Do I not have knowledge of decision making models?

Ultimately, I feel very strongly about making sure my client gets the support.

I love her.

https://www.facebook.com/theworkofthepeople/videos/10153967066765682/

"I just assumed that people were sucking on purpose just to make me mad"

It takes me a back to a power and leadership conversation I was having with classmates. I am deeply uncomfortable with telling people what to do. I am comfortable with determining a course of action and getting consensus to act on it. I am comfortable (as inherently uncomfortable that conversation is) to talk to people about life getting in the way of responsibilities. I have to respect autonomy of other people, and I can't tell them what to do - unless it's just a task and there's enough consensus reached for me to be able to express that.

A. Q. (therapist in making) said "that's because of your values."

I didn't see it as my values. I thought, and even considered that same day, that it was my weakness.


Every time I have been deeply offended  by someone, I assume they act in xyz ways because they choose not to be better, or worse, they have poor intentions towards me.


Boundaries. My (therapist) prof commented on my response to an ethical dilemma with "that's because you have boundaries."

Do I have good boundaries though?

"BIG: what Boundaries need to be in place for me to be in my Integrity and make the most Generous assumptions about you?"

I like how a lot of the research in the field is insightful because of its qualitative nature. It studies people and experiences as opposed to numbers.

It feels like I'm being crushed by the weight of deadlines and worries.

In reality, I have the flu and two assignments due that I do not have the cognitive ability to work on. It's probably being made worse because I'm worrying so much about it. Theres also how many sick days I've taken from work, and may need a couple more.

My doctor suggested I stay home for a week. But I couldn't do that. Theres guilt around not pulling my weight in both those areas of my life.

I don't quite know how to help the worry and get shit done.