There's beauty in people being them. When people dig into themselves, and become more them...

Part of being me means having a hierarchy to everything. All of my thoughts, feelings, interactions, experiences get sorted out based on a hierarchy. (I really can be quite a critic.)

The hierarchy is of what has/brings the most value. It keeps my life simple in a sense. It keep me streamlined. But it isn't the greatest experience all the time.

Imagine having every cluster of thought being filtered through to see how valuable it is, when detaching from those thoughts is not easy at all.

It goes like this: Feeling of annoyance because people are talking about an individual's choices in their life. I understand the value of gossip from social bonding to passing on of values (e.g. don't cheat or you will be ostracized) to venting and understanding how certain "choices" play out, In that moment, I would feel my annoyance, try to determine all the different reasons why someone might be discussing that individual's particular choice and then decide if I should be annoyed at all. If it is okay to be annoyed, how can I, if at all, get to the bottom of the issue without offending and nipping it in the bud, or leave that conversation. If it is not okay to be annoyed, how can I provide the support and hopefully still move on from that topic.

That is an unbelievable amount of work. (Aside: I think repetition of those experiences highlight a difference in values)

The basic desire there is to do the right thing - which is stronger than me.

It also means many pleasurable activities that are little less "right" based on many other considerations, will not happen. All it is is my set of priorities. Feels kind of like Super Ego.

Also: "One of the fundamental functions of the Ego is Reality Testing"

So, yes, we are all testing reality at one point or anther. 

I love my brown skin. I love it more when around light skinned people. I love the beautiful gold/olive tone my shoulders/back take when tanned.

"reality"

Assholes

Just saw a picture of this guy's baby who I went to school with.

His mom was my kindergarten teacher. I loved her and she remembered me years later.

This guy, a couple years ago, started flirting with me on Facebook. He had been nikkah-ed and it was VERY awkward, so I brought up his wife and he actually said "who cares about the wife".

Now he has a daughter with this girl.

I really, really hope she's happy.

Watched Before Midnight, finally, and loved it!

Watched Interstellar, and I am keeping opinions to myself until I process it.

Badan pe perahan-e-khaak k siva kya hai

ye mera da'ava-e-khud-beeni o jahan-beeni
meri jahalat-e-saffak k siva kya hai

!!!!

During my vacation time, all I plan to do is read.

Hung out with someone from many years ago. Aw, there's a certain kind of people I really like.

She's smart, and "emotional". I really like genuine people. Real conversation about their life with someone they haven't seen in  years. Work, relationships, difficulty letting people go, changing careers, etc. No pretentiousness.

My coworkers are also really cool people. People are open about them seeing therapists, or dealing with difficult life issues/mental health issues. It's just an awesome bunch of people. And they know how to keep it all contained.

Tired and easily annoyed.

People need to get past their opinions that they keep expressing allll the time. Shut up already. Go do something new.

You know what I want to do? 

Go away somewhere by myself; get in the zone working out, get massages, eat delicious food, read like crazy and come back home.

This can be classified as nothing but a sad song. It makes me happy for some reason. Don't ask me!

My only guess is Alka Yagnik's voice, and that it brings back sweeet feelings from long ago. Again, don't ask me, I don't even know what feelings.

On leaving a legacy behind... and fear of death

"When we say we are afraid of death, according to Freud, we may fear something else - such as abandonment, castration, various unresolved conflicts, or otherwise fear of death may be the outcome of a sense of guilt."

Damn it. Just realized my birthday is 11 days away.

This year's plan was to have fun.

I realized how I have been happy lately, for no good reason. This is new. But also because I have been working on eliminating stress.

I be excited for little life experiences. Have one coming up in less than 10 hours :D.

Also, I was thinking about people who have the few things I am working towards, and their lives aren't all that different from mine. So, I can relax. Those things will come.

A teeny success from this week. I walked into work today to find a bunch of emails about how a client of mine had called up the clinical supervisor to tell her how much he appreciated our conversation. He said I asked all the right questions to get him on track. It took me a while to remember who this was, but then I did. He was actually a tad bit annoyed and quite emotionally worked up during our conversation. The director responded to the email saying how rare it was for something like that to happen :D

Nana abbu wrote a whole bunch of poetry after ammani passed away. I can never bring myself to read it all. 

I just spent some time with a family who lost their grown 26 year old son about two years ago. The children (grown adults) seemed pretty relaxed and happy. All the siblings were/are really close.

I don't know what I would do if I were in their shoes. I would stop living for a few years.