Somethings should be better left as simple as black and white. I am unsure if it is my natural tendency or UofT's education that keeps me from thinking in a simple way.
Nothing is as is. Everything has a gazillion deeper meanings. Everything can be understood in a billion different ways. Everything points to a million different problems and issues. Nothing is as it is. I can not take anything on face value. Everything means something and it is impossible to discern what that something is or which of those meanings is most meaningful.
For example, ever wonder why someone acts a certain way? Why someone says a certain kind of things or why they get angry when others dont? Why someone gets angrier quickly and others dont? Ever tried to answer those questions? It is impossibly difficult to reach conclusions. No, no, not just about others, about yourself too. You can come up with a good answer or a good explanation but can never be sure if its the right one.
Ever tried to make a decision based on those questions? Dear God, it is painstakingly difficult! Sometimes things just get so complicated that you wish you had never started thinking. Thinking and knowing how to look at problems from different aspects doesn't actually make it any easier to solve the problems if there is no certainty about which way to finally look at it. You can collect as much information as you like to support whichever decision you want to take. So, if you're confused about a decision, look at what kind of thoughts/facts occur to you the most. And there you go with your decision.
Let me warn you though, that is going completely against rational, logical thinking. What occurs to you at the moment is based on how you feel about a certain situation at the moment. So what do you do when you keep going back and forth between two emotions that point towards different results?
Well, that is my question and confusion. What do you do?
My solution for now seems to be, I should (and I don't know if I can recommend this) stop thinking so much about my feelings -both near and far sighted- and rational understanding of situations. I should learn to take things as either or, black or white. Simplify my life and my thinking. Decide what can be and what can't be regardless of possible explanation. But haha, I can't accept that. Explanations make a thing different from what it is not, so how can I ignore those?
God help me!
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